BOO FEI

The buffet is a lawless frontier. The third best creation to Natalie Portman and second to my eyes that introduce me to her. In this self-contained principality of modern dining, mired in a state of perpetual anarchy, anything goes. No referees. No rules. And that includes putting salad and adobo in the same plate.

To bring peace and order to this blasphemy, I hereby propose a treaty dealing specifically with the regulations of Buffet Law, gentlemen and piggies, let us begin:

- The Matamismanagement-- an immediate ban and slap on the face for food-hogs placing main course and afters on the same plate. In short, no sweet item to share plate-space with any savoury item. No adobo with cupcakes. No tapa with fruit salad. No chocolate mousse on top of tilapia. Hold on would you... there's plenty of food to go around. Kaya nga mahal ang buffet noh.

- The Anti-singit principle -- an end to singit! I deal with you in traffic and now I gotta take shit like this from the buffet line? If you go back to the buffet table to collect apparently forgotten or extraneous items, kunyari a bread roll for nanny... ...fuck it! If you've forgotten something, back of the queue, asshole.

- Hotdog tidbits law -- enforced adult-supervision on all buffet transactions of the under 16s; with particular concern for the over-consumption of kiddie foods such as hotdog tidbits. The relative scarcity and subsequent high value of hotdog in the buffet economy renders this seemingly draconian measure something of a necessity.

- Anti Fat guy law -- nadidiri lang kasi ako pag nakikita ko ang plato mo eh. It's as if the world was ending and a fat guy was about to have his last ever meal. It's as if a plate costs P1000 and gusto mong sulitin. My tummy looses all function and will to comply when it sees what treacherous missions you fat people send yours to do. Spare me. Spare my appetite. Spare my wallet and the good money I spent to bloat myself under proper circumstances.

Something fishy tayo!

game?

-hibachi

The demise of wrestling

I'm 20 years old, turning 21 this August. I have 3 centimeters of hair growing from the bottom of my face. I'm old enough to drink, drive and (on many occasions) do both. Old as I may be, but you won't find a bigger wrestling fan in a 5 mile radius.

Wrestling is my Simpsons and my Sonic the Hedgehog. Guys of my generation speak of their favorite cartoons to keep their minds fresh and remind them that it wasn't too long ago that their childhood dreams were so simple. The good thing about these cartoons is the fact that most of them are gone now... they are immortalized in the archives of Disney and Hanna-Barbera. They are free from being tarnished and tainted by any future plans.
It was beautiful.
It's gone.
and we're all happy.


Unfortunately for me... the WWE will live on as long as there are men and their needs for violence and "macho-ness". I'm talking about that "catch this catch that", the spinebusters, the 3Ds on a burning table... shit like that.
I'm looking at the new crop of superstars and it reminds me of WCW during the Monday night wars. Wrestlers are boring. There's too much dependence on nostalgia and classic wrestlers such as Triple H, the Undertaker and Shawn Michaels. Only a handful of wrestlers are good enough to actually contend with the likes of the Mankind, Stone Cold and The Rock. None of these current Superstars are big enough to carry a billion kids in the palm of their hands.

So as a tribute to my childhood version of Sonic the Hedgehog, the Power Rangers, Jem and the Holograms, and Swat Kats... I show you the five departures that have chipped away the love I had for this once great industry.
(I read this blog again and it kinda feels too emo... forgive me)

1. Bill Goldberg and Brock Lesnar. This was the only reason to watch Wrestlemania XX. Who gave a shit that Eddie Guerero was against Kurt Angle? Who cared about the triple threat match with HBK, HHH and Benoit? The Golberg-Lesnar match WAS Wrestlemania... all until the point where you actually watched it. The match was crap. The biggest hype you could possibly have for the worst bout possible. Even so... Lesnar and Goldberg would've carried the WWE for many years to come. That's too much man-power for any one man to have.. and you have two of them under the same company. Of course people would watch. Why are they in the list? Well of course because Goldberg is my favorite wrestler of ALL TIME. Believe the hype.






2. The Rock.
It doesn't matter what I have to say. It's the Rock. Just watch the video.


3. RVD
everyone loves the guy. Mr. Money in the Bank. Mr. Pay per view. Mr. Monday Night. The whole F'n show. He doesn't talk much, which is the ultimate downside to his career. But dam.. the guy can wrestle and bleed. Frog splashes over cages. TLC matches. This guy take take the hurt and not say a single "ouchies"

4. Kurt Angle
Intensity personified. Nobody in history wrestled better than Kurt Angle. I'd pay big money just to see the guy inside the squared circle. He was quick, tenacious and a constant championship contender. There will be other talkers like The Rock and Austin, hardcore legends like Foley, and ego maniacs like Triple H... but nobody will perfect the craft of wrestling like Kurt Angle.

5. Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero
I was never the biggest fan of Eddie, but to see the WWE without him really paints the picture of how crappy the talent pool in roster is right now. And for Benoit.. It's not fair the way this guy went out. I mean the suicide thing doesn't do justice to the person I've watched for 6 years. You couldn't say anything bad about the guy and it'd always be a good match whenever he'd step into the ring. Most wrestlers would just try to stamp their dominance and end the match after 2 minutes of taunting followed by their finishing move. With Chris, it was grapple hold after grapple hold and suplex after suplex. Chris was also part of my personal favorite as the best non-hardcore Wrestlemania match ever. The triple threat match with Shawn Michaels and The Game. And when he won.. after 18 years.. to see him and Eddie Guerero (both who have never won a world championship title between them)... to see them standing in the middle of the ring with all that confetti.. No script could've be written better for a wrestling show.




to those who share the same view... I hear you guys
fuck John Cena.. the guy's a total turd

-hibachi

WWE presents: Hell Week

Haawww yieahhh! Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and Girls. Children of all ages. "Tang-ina di ako papasa ng midterms" production proudly presents to you the Heavyweight champion of the world... Lorenzo Gabriel Javier Zshornack Valera Araneta..


may he just rest in pieces... chopped... diced.. little pieces

Match #1
HIBACHI vs. Prof. TEMPLO

Hibachi and a 9am test with the Eco Moled-Monster known as the Templosion.
BOOM BABY! Templosion! The explosive bitch who sees me as the future president of this country and murders me with question after question on how to run the country.
BOOM BABY! Another Templosion! I got 5 chapters to read, at least 70 pages after those chapters and a whole lot of blank spaces due to my lack of note-copying speed.
BOOM BABY! Templosion number 3! She's an asshole. A git. Nothing more than a glorified Duque.


These were some questions that she asked during the midterms last semester:

1. Explain the difference in views between the first and second generation of development economists.

2. Explain the recent economic landscape in East Asia. How would you apply recent economic theories to the trends in East Asia since the crisis in 1997?

What crisis?!? was there an earthquake? and wh0 the fuck are the first and second generation economists?
Hibachi K.O..... better luck next sem. Sumakit ulo ko sa pagbasa lang mehn. Next match nalang ako babawi.


Match #2
HIBACHI vs. Prof. "Ronaldinho" Garilao
Yeah... she's a she. A long lost sister of famed footballer Ronaldinho Gaucho. Her track record speaks for itself. An average of two students with failing grades a sem (for only 2 classes). A quiz last week where the highest grade was a lousy 40%. Legendary midterms where getting a C will suffice for a lifetime of sorrow and bad cheese.
50 pages of handouts...
130 pages from the book...
39825798703 important notes that i missed when I was dreaming of Natalie Portman in her class.

K.O.


I wonder if the Rock, Mike Tyson or Stone Cold Steve Austin ever had to deal with opponents of this magnitude. I'm a wrestler bitch! I dont have tah deal with this crap!


-hibachi

Trauma

I have some psychosomatic symptoms when I am presented with accounting dilemmas. I literally get teary eyed, and whether the tear truly came from my clenching brain, I do not know. Let's not rule out the bastard.

a Veteran of the Burger

There is a town at the edge of the Manila kingdom that wages war after war within itself. These little wars aren't of arrows or swords, no pitchforks are thrown, the unruly battles do not even shed a drop of blood.
The Burger Wars of BF have begun... and by god... send me to that cross-fire.


Yesterday I had the triple-patty monster burger of Skippy's.
As a veteran of the burger, my jaw ceased locking up to these meaty masterpieces a long time ago, but still... c'mon man... THREE PATTIES.
Two patty burgers have just entered the market, and BOOM... Skippy puts out a three-patty monster of death. It's fucking brilliant, I tell you. Who'd have thought?
Remember when the PS2 became the PS3? It's like that. It's like a bike turning into a trike. Having three feet instead of two. DX recruiting Chyna. You add that little somthing extra and it makes a world of difference.

THE THREE-PATTY MONSTER BURGER AT SKIPPY... P155
add P15 for the Wasabi sauce



The shroud of the Fat side has fallen
begun the Burger Wars has

The bathroom wall

The left wall in the first floor bathroom.
He was quite a good companion, although he said very little.
He just gave me those cold, textile stares.
I spent three hours with him yesterday.
Bonding...
Chatting..
and of course, the main and sensible reason why I'd be talking for hours to an inanimate object, I was sobering up.
a.k.a.
I was literally barfing my stomach off.

Yesterday was Mel's birthday and Alf's celebration. The party was at his house and all, except for Jay Vincent Sebial, were in costume (pics are in friends' multiply). We drank and ate, we sang and fucked the Godly creation called "human brain cells" 6 times over. Fuck, I hate drinking games, but getting drunk (except for the whole "Oh god man, get outta the way... I don't care if it has piss, but my head is going to the toilet right now") is too much to pass off, especially right before hell month. I can't remember the last time I was that nuked... maybe too long ago or too fucked up to activate my memory when it was happenin.

Now I'd like to take this time to apologize to El Caballero's floor... I left a lot of lambchop + paella on it before it was properly digested. I'd also like to thank the carpool for being such good sports.

basta kayo.. I'd burn these brain cells more times over.
but maybe in the distant future...

Sobering up took longer than expected, kaya I had to spend the night in Alfie's TV room couch.

Drunk.
Overnight without permission.
Right after I was released from groundedness.

I came home to one worried mother and a father with more white hairs than I remembered.
He kicked my ass too by the way. Grounded. License gone. And I got the Chore List for the first time since 1998.

Now that the weekend is standing still again,
Priorities are back...
and I gotta fix myself up.
It's hell until January 21...

hibachi out!

Wrong Number

Admit it! You took her number without her consent and then texted it. 

"Dude. This is Enzo. Ano, ulit Homework bukas?"

"Sorry, wrong number"

But it doesn't end there. No! You still try to have a conversation. Saying you copied the number off a class list or something (which you did, you fucking Beadle you!). Saying you're supposed to text some other guy in the class, but if she knows the answer, she can answer you anyways to save you the trouble. 

And now, you're talking to her.

But then you find out she mainly speaks Tagalog, and her subject-verb agreement consistently fails to deliver. And now you wish you never texted that damn "wrong number".

SFA

We normally spend Christmas here in Metro Manila, on the morning of the 25th having brunch with my mom’s side of the family. I love 'em, but I never liked the gifts I got from this brunch. I got a Robocop at 17 and fake pokemon cards at 18, to cite a few. My grandpa passed away a couple of months back, so we saw no need to continue the tradition. We decided to stay in Iloilo for Christmas before heading off to Cagayan de Oro.

Fuck

Why? What’s so bad about Iloilo, Enchong?

It's Sebastian fucking Araneta. That's what's bad

a.k.a. Sean

Every family has one of them. These are the cousins who always talk about sex and their girlfriend’s tits. These are the probinsyanos who think that city kids are the coolest of the bunch and that he has to put in effort to try to make us like him. He thinks all city folk get daily blowjobs. He makes yabang that he bring two wallets everywhere he goes. One for cash, and one for condoms. His girlfriend’s favorite condom is chocolate, that’s why he calls her “Chocobabe”. Every time he tells me this, I feel glad that I live on the other side of the country. He shows me pics of her in his phone. He asks me how many women I’ve fucked in college. I say fifteen, which is fifteen more than my actual count. Upon hearing this he gives me a soft punch to the soldier and says “Pinsan talaga tayo”. He then leaves to tell his barkada how cool "I" am.

Considering he's the only male cousin who's close to my age, I was pretty much stuck with old chinless there. Glad I'm home now though.

Wellness

Seriously, I really wanna do well this year. My first goal is to get a killer body. I'm talking 165 pounds and 15% body fat. Yeah baby! I'm looking at some muscles in the arms and lifting barbels the size of pizzas. Aside from weekday gyming to hit 165 on the scale, my other new year's resolutions would be to spend two hours a day in the lib, finish a non-academic book every month, complete my Origin collection, get a summer job and get a girlfriend. Sounds tough? 

Maybe.

Update on the recent Vacation: After our brief stint in Iloilo, we hit up Davao and then stayed in Cagayan for three days. Got to talk to a girl named Vanella, which I think she made up. Above everything else, we enjoyed for the rapids, tried some steak in Bukidnon and brought home 8 bags of Monk-grown coffee for those future Pre-Finance test nights. 

Batista Bomb bitchezzz