It's what you call emotional blackmail. People will think I'm evil for thinking this way, but fuck it! That shit you read from books or see in the movies. Don't believe that you're supposed to act like them. You have to live it.
I felt kinda tug-of-warred the other day. In my situation, people are supposed to be full of regret and sympathy. There's supposed to be that spark of reflection into the past and a willingness to change mistakes. You get? Like for example, something bad.. let's say you fail an accounting test. You feel like shit right?... you punch a wall, destroy Atenean furniture in the school... all that shit.
I had that... not necessarily an accounting test (which sucks rin) but a more personal experience. I don't know because I'm no expert in these situations... but running through my head people are supposed to cry, reflect and regret.. the stuff I said kanina. I didn't regret a dam thing. I don't. In fact, Im in a much worse state. I tried to force myself to feel sad... but I didn't.
Once you hear the story... i know you will hate me.
And then when you know the way I'm feeling... I know for dam sure that you will think I deserve hell.
I tell you this.
Judge me by living in my shoes. . . and all 20 years that they've walked. Don't call me an ass or a douche without knowing talaga. This is not a plea to keep our friendship. This is just a threat if you label me. The distinction between a difference maker and an act of pure stupidity is a fool who believes in it.
I stick to my word.
I do not subject myself to emotional blackmail. Or to any other second degree opinions.
Judge me only when you really know.
Right now, me being pissed would be redundant... what sucks is that its not over.
That stupid accounting test.
To my future self
No comments:
Post a Comment