Torpedo

Is it safe to say I'm chicken? Forgive the chaotic rant to follow. 

This is my strategy. It's the try-to-be-friends-first strategy. And it exists because of two very good reasons. the first of which is because I'm really really really attracted to nice girls. And nice girls only go for the bad boys or the best friend (which I am more capable of being). That's why we have this strategy. 

The second is because I am a total chicken. I was so fuking totoy and torpe. Alfie and Jay know this. My roommates and I decided to go grocery shopping for condo needs. Food. Toiletries. Yosi. The usual. And then on the way back, I saw my Arnis crush in World chicken. You know what I did? You know what the hell I did? I just walked in. Got the delivery flier of World chicken. I saw her an did the whole "Uy. you're here pala" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Fuck me!!! I deserve hell!!! I deserve to fuck myself for this shit!!!! 

Next crush. She sat in front of me in a class. I knew her from summer school and judging from the fact that she was siting alone, I knew that she had no friends with her here. I wanted to sit beside her. I really did. But then all these thoughts steered straight for me. "Tae... she might think I like her because I'm sitting beside her" "She might be waiting for a friend... who knows?" "She might remember me staring at her in summer school. She might've cooked up some image of me as a pervert. Fuck. Right now, she's dreading my sitting next to her" All these thoughts kept me glued to my seat behind her. I watched an entire semester pass by without making a significant "move" to anything including friendship. 

 There was this one time though when she talked to me in the middle of the sem. The class was in Bellarmine hall, which means that after class, I'd walk about 600 meters to my next class in Gonzaga. She accompanied me once. And we had a really good laugh.

Next time, we didn't go side by side and in the middle of my walk I heard a faint "How was ITM pala?" She was behind me and we talked until Gonzaga with topics ranging from career paths to her ex-boyfriends. So you know what I did? You know what the hell I did!?!?!?! 

Do not forget, that I am still the I-don't-want-her-to-think-I-like-her-even-though-I-do type of person. Do not forget that. So every walk after that, I wouldn't talk to her. Oh no. Hell no. That would definitely blow my cover. Instead... Whenever I'd walk to Gonzaga, I'd position myself right in front of her... waiting for the next "How was ITM pala?" moment. 

If she'd be talking on the phone, I'd tie my shoes to slow down. I'd do everything and anything to entice her to talk to me. It never happened though. And some sleezeball walked her after every class. I eavesdropped on their conversations. The talked about life, hating emo people, english football and other things that I could've given her. My fault. My bad. 

"Ako ay ipinanganak na torpe. Sa ayaw at hindi"